Attack of the Badfic Summary
by Chilton
Summary: The characters go online and are horrified to find terrible fanfic summaries. Better hope yours isn't one of them!


Set after _Breaking Dawn_. All of these summaries actually exist and I am not sorry for making fun of them. They truly suck.

* * *

The sound of muffling giggling drew Edward into the study one sunny May morning. He recognized Bella's laughter, and smiled in relief. His wife had wanted to go into town that day for a change of pace, but had been foiled by the rare, brilliant sunshine that would have given away her non-human status. Pleased that Bella had found something to amuse herself with in the absence of her planned treat, Edward walked into the study.

Bella was alone, sitting in front of Carlisle's computer. Edward could see that she had logged on to the Internet, but still wasn't sure what the cause of her good humor was. "Bella," he said softly.

"Edward," she replied, laughing so hard he could barely make out her words, "you have to read this. Come here!"

Curiosity piqued, Edward hurried to Bella's side and scanned the print on the monitor.

_First twilgight one: working hard on it better "summary coming soon" yada yada I dont own the chacters. yes I know I need to work on grammer! thanks in advance!_

"Gramm**ar** is not all this person needs to work on," Edward muttered grimly. "I'd also suggest spelling and punctuation, to begin with." Then a thought struck him. "Bella, whatever is this about?"

"Fan fiction," she said, still giggling. "People write stories about us. About you and me and Carlisle and all the rest of us, even Rosalie!"

"_Even_ Rosalie?" said that particular vampire as she stalked into the room with Emmett, Esme, Jasper, and Carlisle on her heels. "There is nothing_ even_ about me."

"What are you laughing about anyway, Bella?" asked Emmett. "We could all hear you say 'fan fiction' but what exactly about it is so funny?"

"The summaries of some of these stories are hilarious," Bella replied. "So many of them are terrible."

"I'll say," Edward growled as he took control of the mouse and scrolled down the page, reading as he went.

_so basikaly a goffik gurl fallz in luv wiv edword cullenz. PREPZ BAK OFF!111_

"What the hell is that?" he yelped.

The others crowded around the monitor to see. Jasper roared with laughter after he read the summary. "My brother, _Edword Cullenz!_ That's great!"

"Wait'll you see what they're calling you, Jasper," Edward snapped back. "Or should I say, _Japser_?"

"Japser?!?" Jasper's good humor vanished abruptly now that the joke was on him. "Let me see!"

Edward smirked and indicated a fresh summary:

_A song fic-one-shot in Japser's POV. About his life and his bond with Alice. Read it, and leave a review. I suck on summary's and go easy on me. My english sux's badly. :/_

"That author doesn't even know the plural of summary?" Esme said in disbelief. "Why didn't she look it up in a dictionary instead of guessing?"

"Who cares about that?" Jasper howled. "Look at what she did to my name! Japser! That is just plain wrong."

"Well, son," Carlisle said comfortingly, "they just don't teach proofreading in schools nowadays, obviously. Don't worry; we all know how to spell your name, and so does anyone else who puts any thought into it."

"That's right, _Jaspar_," Emmett taunted. "Or should I say _Jaser_? Or...?"

Driven to the brink, Jasper snarled at his brother.

"Boys!" Esme scolded. "Calm down."

"I think we have a right to be upset," Edward interjected. "And so do you, Esme. Look." He pointed a trembling finger at the screen.

Still shaking her head at the antics of her children, Esme turned to read.

_One-shot! All Human! Carlisle and Esme are friends when they are little chldren, and, of course, they're gonna get weddinged someday. It's better than I make it sound, I promise._

"It could hardly be worse than it sounds," Rosalie scoffed. "I mean, _weddinged_? Seriously!"

Esme was not listening to her. "Edward? Give me that mouse," she snapped in a fierce voice the others had never heard from her before. Fingers shaking with fury, she took her place before the computer.

tbc

This chapter is just a taster. Much more to come!


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